Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
