Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He passed out mid-signature
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
