He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
