Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
