I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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