Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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