the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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