there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
