can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
