I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
