Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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