ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
