at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
