dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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