my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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