sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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