why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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