I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
