Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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