I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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