Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
