i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize
