I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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