Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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