Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
