Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i now understand why vodka
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
