My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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