Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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