I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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