So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
