You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
