Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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