yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
