Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
