I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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