dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
