Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
