im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
