Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
