Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So vagazzling was a success
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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