god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
