Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I will be naked everywhere
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
