My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
