First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
