Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
