I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
