fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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