$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
