this boner is exhausting
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
a search helicopter?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
this hospital has no fireball
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
