Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
