No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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