3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
