Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
